


Hazardous Dawns

by gemystical (orphan_account)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, F/M, Female Reader, Nobody asked for this but I'm writing it anyway, Reader-Insert, There's just a lot of angst, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, but we'll get to that and the smut at a later date, nothing about this is happy im letting you know that now, oh and there's some pretty nasty injuries, there's smut eventually i promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 16:35:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16288079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/gemystical
Summary: (title essentially stolen from Wilfred Owen, “And mark the hazardous stars all dawns and eves," Elegy in April and September)Poe's relationship is a mess, something he's well aware of. When you make a discovery, all kinds of secrets rear their ugly heads and things get more than a little complicated.Alternatively Titled: Nobody Asked For This Angst-Fest But You're Getting It Anyway Because We Love Suffering On This Website





	Hazardous Dawns

Admittedly, you and Rey shouldn’t have been in the maintenance corridor, but they shouldn’t have either. Rey had wanted to see how the barracks for the newly reinstated Pathfinders was going, a tour you were all too happy to give. You definitely weren’t expecting to find Calavia and Lieutenant Trache tangled up together as you rounded a corner. 

 

“General Organa thinks we should all be in by the end of next week, as long as the weather holds out. I think everyone else will just be grateful we won’t keep waking them up any- oh.” Your train of thought fizzled out as you came across the couple that were far too preoccupied to notice they had company. Rey had suddenly found a very interesting spot on the ceiling, and you averted your own eyes as you cleared your throat. In any other circumstance you’d have turned around and left them to it, but the guilt subsided when you realised that Poe’s girlfriend was wrapped around a man who was definitely not Poe. Calavia herself seemed remarkably unbothered to have been discovered, simply getting out of Trache’s lap and tugging him along behind her.

“We’ll find a room.” She bit her teeth together in a saccharine smile, rewarded with a single raised eyebrow from you.

“That’s a good idea.” You agreed as you shoved your hands into your pockets to conceal your clenched fists. It wasn’t okay. None of what she was doing was okay with you, but there was precious little you could do about it. Rey kept her gaze on the ceiling until the pair had disappeared before turning to you with wide eyes.

“Isn’t she-?”

“Yeah, um,” you pinched the bridge of your nose to calm down, “We can pick this up another day, I need to go talk to him.”

 

Poe was halfway inside the internal machinery of Black One when you found him. Oil streaked his face and you grabbed a cloth that lay draped over one of the ladder steps. He clambered out of the hatch, dropped to the ground beside you and you began to wipe at least some of the grime off his cheeks. A fond smile graced his features and you almost forgot why you went looking for him in the first place. It would make him angry, but not with Calavia or Trache. No, he’d be annoyed with you for bringing it up. It was rumoured that she wasn’t exactly faithful to him, but nobody had seen anything yet. At least not to your knowledge. You didn’t want to be the reason that his smile disappeared but you wouldn’t let him be treated like an idiot. You knew that he was more than aware of Calavia’s activities, so why was he still with her?

 

“Poe,” You started, with absolutely no idea how to continue. This would hurt him and hurting Poe was the last thing you’d ever want to do. He looked so happy, dark eyes wide and trained on your face, that for a second you weren’t sure you could do it. But you swallowed your feelings and watched his smile melt into a frown as you shared your discovery.

“I don’t have time for this.” He grumbled, turning his back on you to fiddle with the spare wires on the trolley behind him. He was shutting you down. Not intentionally, he never meant to close the metaphorical door on anybody, it was just something that happened with bad news. He’d told you it started after his mother, in a whispered heart to heart late in the hangar. The abruptness of her death had forced his guard up so suddenly that he couldn’t stop it even as an adult. There was a time where he didn’t shut you out, but you stopped being the exception soon after Calavia came into the picture.

“Shouldn’t you at least talk to her about it? She’s not even being careful and I don’t want you to hurt yourself more by ignoring it, okay? I’m just looking out for you, Poe.” Your efforts were fruitless, that much you knew, but you had no idea he was going to blow up as much as he did. He whirled around, fixing you to the spot with a hard stare.

“It’s really not your decision to make, you’re not involved at all. I’m not ignoring it, I’m putting up with it because it means I have somebody. We can’t all be happy to be like you. I’m not like that, I need people. Maker forbid I don’t want to be alone.” His outburst was quiet, contained and monotone, which was much worse than if he’d screamed at you in the middle of the crowded hangar. His level voice made the dig at you so much more painful. You took a shaky breath, willing away the sudden urge to cry.

“You wouldn’t be on your own.” You mumbled, eyes finally breaking from his to burn a hole in the ground. You didn’t want to see his reaction. You didn’t need to find pity in his eyes or you might actually have started crying. A hand half reached out to you as he asked what you meant, and every cell in your body screamed at you to take it. You wanted to meet him halfway, to search for the closeness that had disappeared. Instead, you turned away and hurried out of sight. You couldn’t do it so you ran. Just like always.

 

The landing strip had never been so busy, you were sure of it. Various different species in various different uniforms flitted around the space, delivering messages and extra equipment in the final minutes before all out war was raged against the First Order. You were hardly cleared for duty by medical, but you’d batted your eyelashes and all but begged for the box to be checked. Your team was going out there, your family on the front lines, and you were going out with them whether you’d been cleared for duty or not. So the doctor on call had sighed heavily and ticked the box on the datapad: you were shipping out that morning.

 

You barely made the call, half-running on a hip that was at least still a little bit broken, and skidded to a halt in the gravel beside two of your favourite people in the whole galaxy. Finn and Kes turned at the scraping sound, both grinning widely as they took in your mildly dishevelled appearance. Your combat suit was only half zipped up, exposing the black shirt you wore underneath, and one of your boots was unlaced but you were there. You were there and they couldn’t be more pleased to see you by the looks of it.

“Sparky!” Finn’s bright smile threatened to split his cheeks as the nickname rolled off his tongue and he pulled you into a hug. It was an inside joke, you’d tripped into a stun charge on a training exercise and almost fried yourself. It had made for a great fireworks show, according to Finn anyway, and so ‘Sparky’ was born. You rolled your eyes but returned the hug without hesitation, leaning on him ever so slightly to take at least some weight off of your hip. You pulled away, about to greet Kes when a loud wolf-whistle froze the words in your throat. You watched as, just behind his father’s left shoulder, Poe dipped Calavia in an exaggerated kiss. The smile died on your face, a change caught by both of the men beside you before you had a chance to recover it. Finn’s hand clapped down on your shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. There had been many a night where you ranted to him about how Calavia treated Poe, he knew how you felt about the man. Kes caught Finn’s eye and they exchanged a silent conversation before Finn left to check the equipment. He didn’t even get a chance to open his mouth before you beat him to the punch.

 

“I don’t mind that he doesn’t want me. What upsets me is that she’s hurting him. She is stripping out every last little thing that makes him who he is and he doesn’t care.” Your whisper was raw, hoarse in your tight throat but Kes got the message. He dropped his hands onto your shoulders, firm grip where Finn’s had been a minute before, and he almost stopped as the tears welled in your eyes. 

“He’s a cracking pilot but my boy’s an idiot, he’ll figure it out. How’s that hip doing? You could stay and coordinate with me. I just- I can take you off the field if you need more time, kiddo.” His fatherly instincts took over yet again, as they always did when it came to you or Finn. You weren’t sure what General Organa had said to get him back to train the new Pathfinders, but you were fairly certain it had something to do with your extremely high training scores. He’d taken you under his wing without a second thought, taught you everything he knew, and that was before he found out how close you were with Poe. 

“I’m okay on it, I think I just need to get it moving.” You were grateful for the change in subject, blinking away the tears, and managed a small smile as he wrapped you in a tight hug. Kes was far more than your Colonel, he had become one of the most important people in your life. He found little bits of himself in the way you fought. Bits of Leia in the way you supported those around you. Finn, your best friend in the galaxy, was clear in the way you laughed. Poe’s influence shone in the way you spoke your mind without hesitation. He even saw Shara, just a little, in the way you loved and protected so fiercely. He already treated you like a daughter, and it wasn’t like he hadn’t spotted the way his son watched you when you weren’t looking. You turned back to double check equipment that had definitely already been signed off, but Kes didn’t stop you. He only smiled fondly for a moment before turning towards his son. 

 

Poe was absorbed in a checklist on his datapad when Kes approached, practically jumping out of his skin at the sudden sound of his father’s voice.

“How’s your girl?” Kes’ tone was far too casual for the pre-mission jitters that Poe knew he had to have, watching his two protegeés and his son fly off into battle. It definitely felt like a trap bu he decided to answer the question anyway, since his father was clearly trying to keep things as casual as possible.

“She’s good, thanks for asking. She’s coordinating the launch so she said she’s sorry she couldn’t stick around to say hi. Duty calls and all that.” Poe grinned, but the smile fell when Kes’ never appeared. 

“You know that’s not who I’m talking about.” There it was. He spared a glance over the other man’s shoulder at you, watching carefully as you called over another Pathfinder. You were laughing, but the sound was hollow. Your smile was wide, but your eyes were empty. He did that to you, the guilt built itself a home in his stomach and he dropped his eyes to the floor.

“Can we please not do this now, Dad?” Something in Poe’s words made Kes pause, re-evaluate. He was ready to chew his son out for upsetting you, ready to march him over there and make him apologise like he was 6 years old again. But the way his voice cracked with guilt- no, not guilt,  _ sorrow _ \- forced a sigh out of Kes’ lungs. He pulled Poe into a hug, ruffling his hair as he always did, and left for the command centre without another word. 

 

Poe watched you work for another minute before BB-8’s beeps broke him from his thoughts. He’d make it out of the coming battle alive, as you would, and then he’d talk to you. He had to make things better, whichever way he could.


End file.
